They're just too easy to make.
One slip of the tongue will lead to a misunderstanding.
One understanding leads to misrepresentation.
Misrepresentation lands you in the shit, all too often.
I wish I had more time.
Then I wouldn't seem like such a fool.
Saying sorry is easy.
Meaning it is just as easy.
Convincing people of it isn't.
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Lately...
I've been a bit fucked up.
Tired, ill, etc...
Constantly.
I've been stupidly despressed.
I've been drinking too much.
I've been forgetting important things.
I've been forgetting important people.
I'm finding that the only way I can really get a focus on what's going is when I stumble across a song that relates to part or the whole of one or all of my current situations... and then I can't relay that through myself to talk to other people.
I'm just stuck with songs.
I've suffered with depression for most of my life.
I have it under control.
But lately I've been freaking out.
There's nobody I really feel that I can discuss my shit with.
While I'm not going completely mental or getting suicidal, it's still an issue.
It's not that I'm unhappy in general.
That's never been the point.
I just don't know how to express myself when I'm down.
I guess I'm writing this on here because I don't think anybody ever reads it.
And if they do, then it's easier to say this in print to myself than out loud to anybody.
I'm in love but not in love.
I'm happy but not happy.
I'm energetic but tired.
I'm excited but bored.
I'm confident but self-loathing.
My life is fine.
Things are going well.
Overall, I feel good.
I guess I just don't feel like I'm quite there yet.
That was probably a terrible explanation.
But fuck it, nobody reads anyway.
I know what I'm saying.
Tired, ill, etc...
Constantly.
I've been stupidly despressed.
I've been drinking too much.
I've been forgetting important things.
I've been forgetting important people.
I'm finding that the only way I can really get a focus on what's going is when I stumble across a song that relates to part or the whole of one or all of my current situations... and then I can't relay that through myself to talk to other people.
I'm just stuck with songs.
I've suffered with depression for most of my life.
I have it under control.
But lately I've been freaking out.
There's nobody I really feel that I can discuss my shit with.
While I'm not going completely mental or getting suicidal, it's still an issue.
It's not that I'm unhappy in general.
That's never been the point.
I just don't know how to express myself when I'm down.
I guess I'm writing this on here because I don't think anybody ever reads it.
And if they do, then it's easier to say this in print to myself than out loud to anybody.
I'm in love but not in love.
I'm happy but not happy.
I'm energetic but tired.
I'm excited but bored.
I'm confident but self-loathing.
My life is fine.
Things are going well.
Overall, I feel good.
I guess I just don't feel like I'm quite there yet.
That was probably a terrible explanation.
But fuck it, nobody reads anyway.
I know what I'm saying.
Friday, 7 November 2008
Some facts.
1. I tend to repeatedly sabotage myself. Take, for example, my relationship with a girl called Liz. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me - she was the best thing that ever happened to me - but I messed it up. I lied, I neglected her, I didn't see past myself... It's easy to be selfish in a relationship. I took it too far. The future is the future, though...
2. There was this other girl... she was amazing, but too far away, and I managed to talk so much that I drove her away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I've now got no idea if there will ever be a chance again, but I still hope. Because I do love her. But it's all up in the air, and the distance is still an issue. I doubt she's interested. Her life is 4000 miles away.
3. I like... no, LOVE emo. Most people don't know what it is.
4. I don't feel the need to apologise for my opinions and beliefs.
5. I have no ethnicity in me other than White British. So I think that makes me some kind of Scandinavian.
6. I abhor racism, I am not a racist. I abhor all discrimination. I do not take part in it. But I find it equally difficult to see things from the point of view of those who do discriminate. I feel that because I don't have a legitimate understanding of such things to really give comment. But I'm alive and I have an opinion. I judge. And therefore, I still comment.
7. I smoke cigarettes, I don't really plan on stopping at any point and I don't see why I should.
8. I drink too much, probably.
9. I just realised I don't have a birthmark.
10. I absolutely LOVE clothes and shoes.
11. I don't believe in God, but I have respect for all beliefs and religions. And I DO believe that there's something there. I just don't know what it is.
12. I believe 100% in love.
13. I'm hoping that one day I will be able to settle down, own my own house and have a family. Simple dream, but a dream that many have.
14. I can't seem to control my money as well as most people I know.
15. I've probably caused my parents too much trouble. This doesn't mean I don't love them.
16. I love my friends.
I guess that's it for now. Maybe I'll put more up sometime.
2. There was this other girl... she was amazing, but too far away, and I managed to talk so much that I drove her away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I've now got no idea if there will ever be a chance again, but I still hope. Because I do love her. But it's all up in the air, and the distance is still an issue. I doubt she's interested. Her life is 4000 miles away.
3. I like... no, LOVE emo. Most people don't know what it is.
4. I don't feel the need to apologise for my opinions and beliefs.
5. I have no ethnicity in me other than White British. So I think that makes me some kind of Scandinavian.
6. I abhor racism, I am not a racist. I abhor all discrimination. I do not take part in it. But I find it equally difficult to see things from the point of view of those who do discriminate. I feel that because I don't have a legitimate understanding of such things to really give comment. But I'm alive and I have an opinion. I judge. And therefore, I still comment.
7. I smoke cigarettes, I don't really plan on stopping at any point and I don't see why I should.
8. I drink too much, probably.
9. I just realised I don't have a birthmark.
10. I absolutely LOVE clothes and shoes.
11. I don't believe in God, but I have respect for all beliefs and religions. And I DO believe that there's something there. I just don't know what it is.
12. I believe 100% in love.
13. I'm hoping that one day I will be able to settle down, own my own house and have a family. Simple dream, but a dream that many have.
14. I can't seem to control my money as well as most people I know.
15. I've probably caused my parents too much trouble. This doesn't mean I don't love them.
16. I love my friends.
I guess that's it for now. Maybe I'll put more up sometime.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Barack Obama...
The next President of the USA will be Barack Obama. I'm not American, but I'm very pleased with this result. I don't feel that I should go into any kind of explanation of my politics and beliefs right now, though; I'm just saying that I think this is fantastic news.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
Winter is on its way...
Smart shoes.
Tight jeans.
Snazzy shirts.
Big coats.
Scarves.
Woollen gloves.
Hats to keep the ears warm.
I'd like to wear it all and hold your woollen gloved hand in mine.
We could walk and talk and breathe out cold air like cigarette smoke.
A love like this, a love so retro.
And there's only you to share it with.
It's just that I haven't met you yet.
Maybe I'll see you out.
One day.
Tight jeans.
Snazzy shirts.
Big coats.
Scarves.
Woollen gloves.
Hats to keep the ears warm.
I'd like to wear it all and hold your woollen gloved hand in mine.
We could walk and talk and breathe out cold air like cigarette smoke.
A love like this, a love so retro.
And there's only you to share it with.
It's just that I haven't met you yet.
Maybe I'll see you out.
One day.
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
I'm not interested...
But I am.
Oh yeah.
Fucking love the drama.
Get with the banshees!
It's crazy.
What's going on in my head is... different.
Oooooooh.
Madness.
I think it'll be okay.
Definitely worth it.
Oh yeah.
Fucking love the drama.
Get with the banshees!
It's crazy.
What's going on in my head is... different.
Oooooooh.
Madness.
I think it'll be okay.
Definitely worth it.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
These hands are broken hands...
So we walk in time to the polyrhythms of a million iPods, playing louder than ever a call had been necessary. But these are the ways - maybe rules - of a 21st century life built on dysfunction, consequence, reflex, insecurity and irony. Oh, how good it would be if we were still together and awake. The latter would be a real treat.
But life is beautiful, because I have the kind of hair that a dormouse could live in. And that's great. Who knows? Maybe looking like this particular fool could be perfect. Because who doesn't love a beautiful mistake?
Like a missed take. Mistake. Ticker tape. Irate. Too late. My sake.
Oh, you love me off my feet.
But life is beautiful, because I have the kind of hair that a dormouse could live in. And that's great. Who knows? Maybe looking like this particular fool could be perfect. Because who doesn't love a beautiful mistake?
Like a missed take. Mistake. Ticker tape. Irate. Too late. My sake.
Oh, you love me off my feet.
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
Agressive beggars.
It's a pet hate of mine. They make me sick to my stomach. I have no problem with beggars. I'd be dishonest if I said nine times out of ten that I give money to beggars, but once in a while I will, if I can, if there's money to burn and somebody else could do with it other than me.
But agressive beggars... Fuckers. Fucking fuckers. I want to stomp them, kick them, beat them. I want to rip their hands off, watch their cans of Tennants Super roll away down the street. Fuckers.
"I hate you. I will not give you money. Your attitude deserves you not such luxuries. How does that feel? You wanted the money, I understand. But you should be polite. How does that feel? My foot on your skull, pushing down. You deserve this. My money is not for you. I hate you. Die, you fucker."
But of course I'm nice. I don't know if I hate aggressive beggars or just agression. I just wish they didn't make me feel the same way.
But agressive beggars... Fuckers. Fucking fuckers. I want to stomp them, kick them, beat them. I want to rip their hands off, watch their cans of Tennants Super roll away down the street. Fuckers.
"I hate you. I will not give you money. Your attitude deserves you not such luxuries. How does that feel? You wanted the money, I understand. But you should be polite. How does that feel? My foot on your skull, pushing down. You deserve this. My money is not for you. I hate you. Die, you fucker."
But of course I'm nice. I don't know if I hate aggressive beggars or just agression. I just wish they didn't make me feel the same way.
Nothing is funny enough anymore...
...and I don't know how to change this.
COMF*CK.
BZZZT.
There's a sound....
Is it you? Is it me?
do we have to use all this grammar no i dont think so okay well thats good then thanks very much good work i love you who are you god there could be five of us talking
SOMEBODY BRING ME A FULL F*CKING STOP
Control towers stopped smoking again.
Show me your hands.
I did do a nice thing. But I can't tell you what it is.
Oh why?
It's far too grandiose.
Or maybe I don't want to be the idol.
You have to love those kids though. They make the bestest mistakes.
Stupid f*cking horse. Calm yourself.
Oh yeah, is it that time?
No it isn't?
Are you sure?
Where are your words?
Here?
Shit, how did we miss it?
I love beauty.
I love beauty.
Acronyms are more fun when they spell rude words.
Gooddddddlybops.
Who else hates the internet? NOTMEMYFRIEND>>>>>> Commmmms.
F*ck it.
COMF*CK.
BZZZT.
There's a sound....
Is it you? Is it me?
do we have to use all this grammar no i dont think so okay well thats good then thanks very much good work i love you who are you god there could be five of us talking
SOMEBODY BRING ME A FULL F*CKING STOP
Control towers stopped smoking again.
Show me your hands.
I did do a nice thing. But I can't tell you what it is.
Oh why?
It's far too grandiose.
Or maybe I don't want to be the idol.
You have to love those kids though. They make the bestest mistakes.
Stupid f*cking horse. Calm yourself.
Oh yeah, is it that time?
No it isn't?
Are you sure?
Where are your words?
Here?
Shit, how did we miss it?
I love beauty.
I love beauty.
Acronyms are more fun when they spell rude words.
Gooddddddlybops.
Who else hates the internet? NOTMEMYFRIEND>>>>>> Commmmms.
F*ck it.
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
The last tree I saw...
...got cut down too soon. I didn't cry though, because they told me Summer would come soon. Oh, so, so, so, oh.
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
Thursday, 10 April 2008
Another time...
...wouldn't be so nice. But it's okay at the moment. Shit fades away. It's good to know that. We should celebrate it really, it's too tiring to take it for granted. Life can be good to you. You just have to let it.
Monday, 24 March 2008
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Missives.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the ocean, there is a world.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the city, there is an ocean.
Beneath the ocean, there is a world.
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Sunday, 17 February 2008
Baby vomit and the Autumn blues...
I really loved the way you set fire to me. It made me feel like you cared. So I let myself burn, rather than put myself out. After all, I can't let myself disappoint you. I won't fuck it up again. I promise.
Good luck to the last of the bombshells. Let's hope the disco explodes.
Good luck to the last of the bombshells. Let's hope the disco explodes.
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Recent things...
I hate regretting ruining a decent moment.
Good weekend overall though.
And now I'm enjoying some nice Pinot Noir, as is done on occasion. Some things are going good now. Hatchets buried, friends recaptured, bands going well, etc...
Not usually one to blog and brag, but... really going nicely at the moment. I like my life these days. And forget the arrogance, I've also learned to enjoy my own company. It seperates from that of my friends, and makes me appreciate them and myself even more, because either company is part from the other.
I like this year, very much.
Good weekend overall though.
And now I'm enjoying some nice Pinot Noir, as is done on occasion. Some things are going good now. Hatchets buried, friends recaptured, bands going well, etc...
Not usually one to blog and brag, but... really going nicely at the moment. I like my life these days. And forget the arrogance, I've also learned to enjoy my own company. It seperates from that of my friends, and makes me appreciate them and myself even more, because either company is part from the other.
I like this year, very much.
Friday, 1 February 2008
Top 20 albums of 2007, sort of...
Never going to get it finished, so here's the list. No descriptions/reviews. Just check them out.
20. Architecture in Helsinki - Places Like This
19. Young Love - Too Young to Fight it
18. Oceansize - Frames
17. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Ire Works
16. Liars - Liars
15. Marissa Nadler - Songs III: Bird On the Water
14. Okkervil River - The Stage Names
13. Battles - Mirrored
12. Panda Bear - Person Pitch
11. The Icarus Line - Black Lives at the Golden Coast
10. Jonah Matranga - And
9. Jeremy Enigk - The Missing Link
8. Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends
7. Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
6. To My Boy - Messages
5. Jesca Hoop - Kismet
4. The Kissaway Trail - The Kissaway Trail
3. Cease Upon the Capitol - Cease Upon the Capital
2. The New Pornographers - Challengers
1. A Place to Bury Strangers - A Place to Bury Strangers
20. Architecture in Helsinki - Places Like This
19. Young Love - Too Young to Fight it
18. Oceansize - Frames
17. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Ire Works
16. Liars - Liars
15. Marissa Nadler - Songs III: Bird On the Water
14. Okkervil River - The Stage Names
13. Battles - Mirrored
12. Panda Bear - Person Pitch
11. The Icarus Line - Black Lives at the Golden Coast
10. Jonah Matranga - And
9. Jeremy Enigk - The Missing Link
8. Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends
7. Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
6. To My Boy - Messages
5. Jesca Hoop - Kismet
4. The Kissaway Trail - The Kissaway Trail
3. Cease Upon the Capitol - Cease Upon the Capital
2. The New Pornographers - Challengers
1. A Place to Bury Strangers - A Place to Bury Strangers
Monday, 7 January 2008
Album list by end of week. In the meantime...
My dearest Elena,
I write these words from my new home at the bottom of the ocean.
There is no way that I can have you, my one true love, without destroying us both.
Not even the water can put out my flames, but neither can it wash away my love for you.
And so, to allow you to remain, I will stay here and burn for eternity.
I have refashioned my heart into a paper aeroplane to throw, so that I can cut you as you leave.
At least that way I will always be with you.
Be well, my Angel.
And have the most beautiful life.
I write these words from my new home at the bottom of the ocean.
There is no way that I can have you, my one true love, without destroying us both.
Not even the water can put out my flames, but neither can it wash away my love for you.
And so, to allow you to remain, I will stay here and burn for eternity.
I have refashioned my heart into a paper aeroplane to throw, so that I can cut you as you leave.
At least that way I will always be with you.
Be well, my Angel.
And have the most beautiful life.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
