Mistakes...

They're just too easy to make.
One slip of the tongue will lead to a misunderstanding.
One understanding leads to misrepresentation.
Misrepresentation lands you in the shit, all too often.

I wish I had more time.
Then I wouldn't seem like such a fool.

Saying sorry is easy.
Meaning it is just as easy.
Convincing people of it isn't.

Lately...

I've been a bit fucked up.
Tired, ill, etc...
Constantly.
I've been stupidly despressed.
I've been drinking too much.
I've been forgetting important things.
I've been forgetting important people.
I'm finding that the only way I can really get a focus on what's going is when I stumble across a song that relates to part or the whole of one or all of my current situations... and then I can't relay that through myself to talk to other people.
I'm just stuck with songs.

I've suffered with depression for most of my life.
I have it under control.
But lately I've been freaking out.
There's nobody I really feel that I can discuss my shit with.
While I'm not going completely mental or getting suicidal, it's still an issue.
It's not that I'm unhappy in general.
That's never been the point.
I just don't know how to express myself when I'm down.
I guess I'm writing this on here because I don't think anybody ever reads it.
And if they do, then it's easier to say this in print to myself than out loud to anybody.

I'm in love but not in love.
I'm happy but not happy.
I'm energetic but tired.
I'm excited but bored.
I'm confident but self-loathing.

My life is fine.
Things are going well.
Overall, I feel good.
I guess I just don't feel like I'm quite there yet.

That was probably a terrible explanation.
But fuck it, nobody reads anyway.
I know what I'm saying.

Some facts.

1. I tend to repeatedly sabotage myself. Take, for example, my relationship with a girl called Liz. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me - she was the best thing that ever happened to me - but I messed it up. I lied, I neglected her, I didn't see past myself... It's easy to be selfish in a relationship. I took it too far. The future is the future, though...

2. There was this other girl... she was amazing, but too far away, and I managed to talk so much that I drove her away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I've now got no idea if there will ever be a chance again, but I still hope. Because I do love her. But it's all up in the air, and the distance is still an issue. I doubt she's interested. Her life is 4000 miles away.

3. I like... no, LOVE emo. Most people don't know what it is.

4. I don't feel the need to apologise for my opinions and beliefs.

5. I have no ethnicity in me other than White British. So I think that makes me some kind of Scandinavian.

6. I abhor racism, I am not a racist. I abhor all discrimination. I do not take part in it. But I find it equally difficult to see things from the point of view of those who do discriminate. I feel that because I don't have a legitimate understanding of such things to really give comment. But I'm alive and I have an opinion. I judge. And therefore, I still comment.

7. I smoke cigarettes, I don't really plan on stopping at any point and I don't see why I should.

8. I drink too much, probably.

9. I just realised I don't have a birthmark.

10. I absolutely LOVE clothes and shoes.

11. I don't believe in God, but I have respect for all beliefs and religions. And I DO believe that there's something there. I just don't know what it is.

12. I believe 100% in love.

13. I'm hoping that one day I will be able to settle down, own my own house and have a family. Simple dream, but a dream that many have.

14. I can't seem to control my money as well as most people I know.

15. I've probably caused my parents too much trouble. This doesn't mean I don't love them.

16. I love my friends.

I guess that's it for now. Maybe I'll put more up sometime.

Barack Obama...

The next President of the USA will be Barack Obama. I'm not American, but I'm very pleased with this result. I don't feel that I should go into any kind of explanation of my politics and beliefs right now, though; I'm just saying that I think this is fantastic news.