Nearly time...

So I don't post on this blog nearly as much as I've ever planned to, but it's coming up to the end of the year and (I know I've said this before) I'm really going to make an effort for next year. I've started doing up my lists of 2009 and I've got some interesting stuff to say that will be sneaking out over the next week or so, and then ever onwards. I'm going to keep it updated this time. I promise.

But what does it matter? There's nobody reading anyway...

;P

Similarities...

Sneaky fucks...
Watchmen (2009)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

(He)art exhibition...

There's a certain obsession I have with bad apples. Criminals: murderers, thieves, gangsters. There's something oddly charming about the bad things they do. I hate violence, but it fascinates me. Not your everyday thug. Not every robber, killer, rapist. Nothing like that. But some of these charismatic criminals seem to have such charm that you begin to side with them, despite knowing what they do is inherently wrong. I find it alluring and attractive, in a sinister way. It's not something I could find myself becoming involved in. It most definitely is not part of my world. Fact remains, however, that there is something attractive about it. I have no idea why, and I choose not to explore it; rather just be fascinated by it. I could fall easily in love with the criminal, maybe not so much the crime.

My top 25 comedians...

Don't need to explain really, just look them up.

25. Lee Mack
24. Ross Noble
23. Linda Smith
22. Jasper Carrot
21. Gilbert Gottfried
20. Steve Martin
19. Stewart Lee
18. Robin Williams
17. Sam Kinison
16. Jackie Mason
15. Emo Phillips
14. George Carlin
13. Tony Hawks
12. Dave Allen
11. Dylan Moran
10. Sean Hughes
9. Tim Vine
8. Mitch Hedberg
7. Sarah Silverman
6. Alexei Sayle
5. Arther Smith
4. Doug Stanhope
3. Richard Herring
2. Rob Newman
1. Richard Pryor

Just to point out a few notable exceptions:
Reeves & Mortimer - I love them to bits, but didn't want to include double acts.
Bill Hicks & Lenny Bruce - whilst I'm a big fan of both, they don't get in my top comedians list. I saw them more as pioneers than as necessarily amazingly funny.
Brendon Burns - I ramble on about him all the time lately, but I only got into him from a friend's suggestion this year, so I'm likely to have a current thing. He's just not quite up there with these guys.
Demetri Martin - I love Demetri, but again, not quite there, probably somewhere from 25-30.
Lee Evans - if you think he's funny, you're probably as much of a cunt as he is.
Current comedians - does exactly what it says on the tin.

So...

It's been a while. Tomorrow I'll be posting a list of my top 25 comedians. Woo.

Falling for falling asteroids...

He dances with the children beneath the pear trees
Making wishes for rain and casting spells on nature
Setting traps to catch his dinner to feed his waiting cages
Connecting gazes with their amphetamine eyes
"Run free, run free, run free to his world of irony"
Reach inside for another Kerouac dessert of ice cream and apple pie
We've got clouds and rain and sunshine and fame
A deep set memory of a lonely Cornish holiday
Me, I'm just falling for falling asteroids
I can't wait until the moon explodes

I was wrong...

I've been busy and beset with a bit of a tragedy.
So the lists will be up by the end of January.
A message to nobody.

Pedro the Lion - Indian Summer...

Ultra-violet rays are washing over all the boys and girls
As their moms lay tanning by the pool
Oh, look, their dad's arriving home
And all the children hug his neck unaware of their inheritence
All of the experts say you ought to start them young
That way they'll naturally love the taste of corporate cum

God bless the Indian summer
God bless the Indian summer
God bless the Indian summerDon't you just love the sun?

Doesn't it make you feel good, all over?
It's my pleasure to announce
In conjunction with the fed
And my recent popularity

Thanks in part to Mother Nature
It will never rain again
It should do wonders for the GNP

If you're just joining us now
You missed a brilliant speech
We go now live to the streets
To find out what the voters think
He's worked a miracle
I just now bought a brand new car

God bless the Indian summer
God bless the Indian summer
God bless the Indian summer

Not my words, but great words all the same.

2008...

So, just to let all of the absolutely zero people that read this blog know... Over the next week I will be posting up my top 10 tunes of the 2008, top 40 albums of 2008 and top 10 miscellaneous releases of 2008, plus a couple of bits on the best gigs I've seen (of which there have been a lot of incredible shows... so it's going to be hard to pick the best).

But right for now, here's a list of the BEST MOMENTS of 2008. And most of them involve bands.

5. My Bloody Valentine reforming... although my chance to go and see them was messed up by financial errors on my own part, it's good to know that such an important band are back with us. God bless you, Kevin Shields, and all who sail in you.

4. Another reformation was that of Rival Schools... I was lucky enough to catch them at the Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms, and I have to say, it was easily one of the greatest shows I've ever seen. Those songs sound just as fresh as they did when I heard them 5 or 6 years ago, and the new material sounded absolutely stunning. If they record a tune called "Sophia Loren" then we're all in for a treat.

3. The trailer for the new Star Trek movie... I have been seriously worried about this movie. As a life long Trek fan, to hear that the original crew were being resurrected using new actors struck fear into me. I couldn't quite comprehend how it could possibly work, and I was worried that one of my favourite sci-fi franchises of all time was about to be turned to shit. But when I saw the trailers for the new film (due out May this year) I got really excited. Not only do the new crew look great, but it looks like the movie could be a blinder! Yeah, fair enough, bringing a Romulan in kind of messes up any kind of canonicity, but hey, it's 43 years on and we might as well just accept it and watch it for the piece of art that it is.

2. Another band reformation... this time in the shape of Far. Now, this band is one of the bands that got me interested in a little genre called emo (along with The Get Up Kids, The Promise Ring and Braid), a genre that I still adore, despite it's increasing unpopularity. Jonah Matranga has long been my hero when it comes to music, so to hear that they were reuniting for a short tour was exciting news; this means that I've now seen pretty much everything he's done live. I caught them on two dates: Newport (TJ's), a really intimate affair with about 150-200 people, and then in London (ULU), where there were more people (probably around 1500 or more). It was incredible to see how the band worked in both environments, and it was a great chance to recapture that feeling I got at the age of 13 when I first heard Water & Solutions.

1. And the best news of the year for me was yet another band reforming... but this one was something else. No other band than THE GET UP KIDS! I don't know if there are many bands that I could listen to every day for the rest of my life and not get bored of, if any... but The Get Up Kids tick a little box marked "forever" for me. I discovered they were reforming through a friend of mine in the States... rumours abounded, some people said it was horseshit, some said it was true. Ultimately it turned out that it was indeed true. And from that point on, I have been excited. They only played one show in 2008, a tiny 200 only show where they played Something to Write Home About in its entirety. I was not there. But who cares? They're touring over 2009, and I should be in the US in May to catch them at Bamboozle. I saw them years back two nights in a row in London, but it would still be amazing to catch them again. This band changed my life, seriously. And they're back. And I'm still giddy and weak at the knees from the news of it.

So, coming soon, the other lists. All should be up by the end of next week, so watch this space. Whoever you are (or aren't).

Mistakes...

They're just too easy to make.
One slip of the tongue will lead to a misunderstanding.
One understanding leads to misrepresentation.
Misrepresentation lands you in the shit, all too often.

I wish I had more time.
Then I wouldn't seem like such a fool.

Saying sorry is easy.
Meaning it is just as easy.
Convincing people of it isn't.

Lately...

I've been a bit fucked up.
Tired, ill, etc...
Constantly.
I've been stupidly despressed.
I've been drinking too much.
I've been forgetting important things.
I've been forgetting important people.
I'm finding that the only way I can really get a focus on what's going is when I stumble across a song that relates to part or the whole of one or all of my current situations... and then I can't relay that through myself to talk to other people.
I'm just stuck with songs.

I've suffered with depression for most of my life.
I have it under control.
But lately I've been freaking out.
There's nobody I really feel that I can discuss my shit with.
While I'm not going completely mental or getting suicidal, it's still an issue.
It's not that I'm unhappy in general.
That's never been the point.
I just don't know how to express myself when I'm down.
I guess I'm writing this on here because I don't think anybody ever reads it.
And if they do, then it's easier to say this in print to myself than out loud to anybody.

I'm in love but not in love.
I'm happy but not happy.
I'm energetic but tired.
I'm excited but bored.
I'm confident but self-loathing.

My life is fine.
Things are going well.
Overall, I feel good.
I guess I just don't feel like I'm quite there yet.

That was probably a terrible explanation.
But fuck it, nobody reads anyway.
I know what I'm saying.

Some facts.

1. I tend to repeatedly sabotage myself. Take, for example, my relationship with a girl called Liz. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me - she was the best thing that ever happened to me - but I messed it up. I lied, I neglected her, I didn't see past myself... It's easy to be selfish in a relationship. I took it too far. The future is the future, though...

2. There was this other girl... she was amazing, but too far away, and I managed to talk so much that I drove her away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I've now got no idea if there will ever be a chance again, but I still hope. Because I do love her. But it's all up in the air, and the distance is still an issue. I doubt she's interested. Her life is 4000 miles away.

3. I like... no, LOVE emo. Most people don't know what it is.

4. I don't feel the need to apologise for my opinions and beliefs.

5. I have no ethnicity in me other than White British. So I think that makes me some kind of Scandinavian.

6. I abhor racism, I am not a racist. I abhor all discrimination. I do not take part in it. But I find it equally difficult to see things from the point of view of those who do discriminate. I feel that because I don't have a legitimate understanding of such things to really give comment. But I'm alive and I have an opinion. I judge. And therefore, I still comment.

7. I smoke cigarettes, I don't really plan on stopping at any point and I don't see why I should.

8. I drink too much, probably.

9. I just realised I don't have a birthmark.

10. I absolutely LOVE clothes and shoes.

11. I don't believe in God, but I have respect for all beliefs and religions. And I DO believe that there's something there. I just don't know what it is.

12. I believe 100% in love.

13. I'm hoping that one day I will be able to settle down, own my own house and have a family. Simple dream, but a dream that many have.

14. I can't seem to control my money as well as most people I know.

15. I've probably caused my parents too much trouble. This doesn't mean I don't love them.

16. I love my friends.

I guess that's it for now. Maybe I'll put more up sometime.

Barack Obama...

The next President of the USA will be Barack Obama. I'm not American, but I'm very pleased with this result. I don't feel that I should go into any kind of explanation of my politics and beliefs right now, though; I'm just saying that I think this is fantastic news.

Winter is on its way...

Smart shoes.
Tight jeans.
Snazzy shirts.
Big coats.
Scarves.
Woollen gloves.
Hats to keep the ears warm.

I'd like to wear it all and hold your woollen gloved hand in mine.
We could walk and talk and breathe out cold air like cigarette smoke.
A love like this, a love so retro.
And there's only you to share it with.
It's just that I haven't met you yet.

Maybe I'll see you out.
One day.

I'm not interested...

But I am.
Oh yeah.
Fucking love the drama.
Get with the banshees!

It's crazy.
What's going on in my head is... different.
Oooooooh.
Madness.

I think it'll be okay.

Definitely worth it.

These hands are broken hands...

So we walk in time to the polyrhythms of a million iPods, playing louder than ever a call had been necessary. But these are the ways - maybe rules - of a 21st century life built on dysfunction, consequence, reflex, insecurity and irony. Oh, how good it would be if we were still together and awake. The latter would be a real treat.

But life is beautiful, because I have the kind of hair that a dormouse could live in. And that's great. Who knows? Maybe looking like this particular fool could be perfect. Because who doesn't love a beautiful mistake?

Like a missed take. Mistake. Ticker tape. Irate. Too late. My sake.

Oh, you love me off my feet.

Agressive beggars.

It's a pet hate of mine. They make me sick to my stomach. I have no problem with beggars. I'd be dishonest if I said nine times out of ten that I give money to beggars, but once in a while I will, if I can, if there's money to burn and somebody else could do with it other than me.

But agressive beggars... Fuckers. Fucking fuckers. I want to stomp them, kick them, beat them. I want to rip their hands off, watch their cans of Tennants Super roll away down the street. Fuckers.

"I hate you. I will not give you money. Your attitude deserves you not such luxuries. How does that feel? You wanted the money, I understand. But you should be polite. How does that feel? My foot on your skull, pushing down. You deserve this. My money is not for you. I hate you. Die, you fucker."

But of course I'm nice. I don't know if I hate aggressive beggars or just agression. I just wish they didn't make me feel the same way.

Nothing is funny enough anymore...

...and I don't know how to change this.
COMF*CK.
BZZZT.
There's a sound....
Is it you? Is it me?
do we have to use all this grammar no i dont think so okay well thats good then thanks very much good work i love you who are you god there could be five of us talking
SOMEBODY BRING ME A FULL F*CKING STOP
Control towers stopped smoking again.
Show me your hands.
I did do a nice thing. But I can't tell you what it is.
Oh why?
It's far too grandiose.
Or maybe I don't want to be the idol.
You have to love those kids though. They make the bestest mistakes.
Stupid f*cking horse. Calm yourself.
Oh yeah, is it that time?
No it isn't?
Are you sure?
Where are your words?
Here?
Shit, how did we miss it?
I love beauty.
I love beauty.
Acronyms are more fun when they spell rude words.
Gooddddddlybops.
Who else hates the internet? NOTMEMYFRIEND>>>>>> Commmmms.
F*ck it.

The last tree I saw...

...got cut down too soon. I didn't cry though, because they told me Summer would come soon. Oh, so, so, so, oh.

Panache.